Thursday, October 27, 2011

My biggest fear

I have realised what my biggest (and newest) fear is. I literally break out in a sweat. My stomach clenches in that 'something bad is happening' kind of way. My palms are clammy. My heart is pounding. It's awful when I think of it. I can hardly bare to think of it, that's how bad it is!

My biggest fear is that I go to find a wedding dress and I can't. When I go to the shop, the lady will hand me some hideous looking dresses for ladies of my size. And then the unthinkable will happen. It doesn't fit. But I insist that it will. And I force it on. And I break it, or rip it, or get stuck in it and have to be cut out of it.

The shame! The mortification if that were to happen. Can you imagine. I'd never show my face again!

This is the fear that I must cling to when thinking of eating those American Hard Gums!!!

Surviving day 2

I survived day 2! I knew I would, but it wasn't without it's struggles, I can assure you! I know that I can get as far as  day 7 or 8, still full of enthusiasm and raring to go... then the complacency slips in and I 'forget' to track, pack emergency supplies (for the long trek home from work!) and generally loose interest! I'm a great one for getting started, its the finishing I have problems with.

Anyway, headed straight to the supermarket after work and had a wee rumbly in my tumbly, so I made the 'smart' choice and ate an apple to tide me over till I got home for my dinner. Realised that I had no change for the trolley. I had to go into the danger zone (also known as the newsagent). There was an array of lovely colourful sweeties and chocolates and crisps, all clamouring for my attention. The ones that spoke loudest to me were a packet of Barrets Cola Bottles. I picked them up. I looked at them longingly. I bargained with myself. 'It's only day one. You could spend some of your weekly points on a little packet of cola bottles. Your not going to get dinner for at least another hour. Sure you might as well'... Thankfully, there was a lady in front of me taking her sweet time so this internal persuasion wasn't noticeable to the average on looker. Eventually, common sense prevailed and I got a packet of chewing gum instead!

On I travelled through the supermarket, picking up the various fruits and veggies I would require for my weeks cooking. It all went really well. But another obstacle hit me as I trotted towards the end of my shopping... the feckin sweet stand at the checkout. A particularly tasty looking bag of American Hard gums caught my attention. I could taste the little buggers just looking at them. I had them in my hand. I was going to buy them. Then I reminded myself of my biggest fear.... I put them back (with pro American Hard gum arguments ringing in my ears from that crazy bitch inside my head who thinks we are a size 8).

So now all I need to do is survive day 3! Anyone any tips for me?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My new Mantra!!!

Some 'Thin-Spiring' Quotes for day 2 of my deflation

v     I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! ~Author Unknown~
v     I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West
v     I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. ~Totie Fields
v     Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends. ~Author Unknown
v     I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Author Unknown
v     The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author Unknown
v     Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! ~Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes
v     Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown
v     The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney
v     Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. ~Beth McCollister
v     Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. ~Author Unknown
v     I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food. ~Erma Bombeck
v     I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it? ~Author Unknown
v     I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire
v     Inside me there is a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.
v     Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
v     The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Week 1 - Picture of my face

This is me week 1! I will upload a new picture every week and see if there's a noticeable difference.

Please bare in mind that I suffer from a bad case of Body Dismorfia, in my mind I'm a size 8, so it's always a suprise when I look in the mirror!

It all went dreadfully wrong!

I went at lunch time and I did it. I joined WW again. Much to my dismay, things are a lot worse than initally anticipated. The weight gain since the last time I went is considerably higher than my informed / dillusional guestimation. But there ain't no point in crying over the spilt milk (or all the milk that I have drunk without thinking of the lb heavy consequences)....

Nevertheless, its a new start and a new day. I have a goal of 7lb to loose and I plan to loose that by the end of the November. How's that for PMA!

It would appear that should I want to enjoy my glass (aka 'the bottle') of Vino in a night, it will cost me 20 pro-points, which is nearly a day's worth of food! And having that second glass (aka 'the bottle') will cost me 40 pro-points, which is infact all but 9 points of my weekly bonus! Best get my ass out and doing some excercise!!! So that would mean I'm moving more for Vino!

Anybody any suggestions fun excercise DVD suggestions or otherwise. Bearing in mind that I am not 'sporty' and have little or no balance or co-ordination!!!

Help me loose 2lb this week!

Welcome to day one of my deflation

It's day one of my Deflation. My reason for deciding to do a blog for this is so that I can document how I'm doing, and hopefully, if I have a few followers, that might encourage me to succeed.

Lunchtime today is 'D' (D for deflation) day, as it were! I am heading to the local weight watchers (WW) class, signing up, climbing up on that scales for the last time the weight I am. (I'm not too sure how confident I am about putting up how much I weight just yet. Think it might take me a little bit of time to pluck the courage up for that one!)

I will be aiming for a total loss of 4 stone and three dress sizes!

I have been attempting to loose weight for over three years now, and failing miserably! I do well for a while, think I'm fanstastic and then loose the plot (and interest) and have to start all over again. Although I did loose a stone and half that I haven't regained, so I must be doing something right!

I am nothing short of brutal! When I don't have a goal to achieve I am quite happy to plod along with my 1 - 2 pound loss. I will generally stick to the 'system' and everything will go well, until I excercise... then BAM! Loose the run of myself! I think because I've been trotting along on a treadmill and have burned 300 calories its a licence to go and eat a mars bar, packet of crisps, large bag of fizzy jellies and supersize buger and chips! By the time I've finished eating I'll need to run for about 10 hours on the treadmill just to burn off the extra food, never mind the already, well and truly settled in for the long haul, weight!

Then when I have a goal to achieve! By jaysus but I do everything possible not to achieve it.

Now you see, the thing about me is, I don't like being told what to do. Even if it's me doing the telling. It's like a red flag to a bull. The minute someone tells me not to do something, or to do something, I'll head on out there and do the exact opposite. Which is fine. When someone else is telling me to do something. But when I'm standing looking in the mirror saying 'jaysus it's time to loose some weight' and then I rebel against it, its a bit of a pointless battle.

So, lets see how the scales has changed since the last time I joined WW (for the last time)....

Shall keep you posted