Reaching this Mile "Stone"

After getting my stone on Monday I started thinking about how far I have come on my weight loss journey and what I have learned along the way... (see the path above, that's my weight loss journey, all sunny and bright and what not.. ehm).  I decided that I would share what I have learned;

1.  I have a mild touch of the body dysmorphias

(Disclaimer!:  I am being dramatic here and in no way taking the Mikey out of anyone that suffers from this. I am aware that for some people this is extremely serious and makes them quite ill)

Why do I think this? Well you see.  In my minds eye, the stone I have lost is actually about 8 stone and, as a result, my figure bears an uncanny resemblance to that of Cheryl Cole's.  I am all waif like and bony. I have grown at least 4 inches. My hair is glossy and worth it. So while shopping, my minds eye keeps leaping to all dresses that are made for the waif like and bony types of this world.  Namely, Body-Con! So I went to purchase myself a lovely French Connection Body-Con dress. And this is where my minds eye gets most confused, thus confusing my own actual real eyes. When I tried on the dress, my minds I could not match the tall waif like bony image with the curvy not so tall image from my real eyes. So the French Connection dress was not as flattering in my real eyes as it was in my minds eye. Confusion kicked in, my minds eye thinks the dress has shrunk on the way to the dressing room or I have been attacked by invisible somethings that caused me to swell out and I have to battle to remind myself that loosing one stone does not a skeleton make!  "Take off that dress at once and go find yourself something more suitable" is what my real eyes say to the rest of... which brings me to my next lesson.

2.  Just because I can get it my size, doesn't mean I should

Yes. I realise this is a bit sizest of me. And I'm ok with that. All my comments apply directly to me.  More power to you if you are buying these dresses, like Body-Con dresses, and your in a "plus size" and your happy and confident with your look.

For me. Well. Lets just say that over the last couple of years I have wished to purchase a number of items that I thought would be lovely on me and, well, their not - thus teaching me that just beacuse it's in my size doesn't mean I should wear it...

(a) Jumpsuits - good lord. Height and width were not my friend here.

(b) Harem pants - No. Just no.

(c) Wet Look Leggings - eh where do I even begin with these bad boys... All wrong!

So the lesson learned here? Bring a friend when shopping and always ignore my minds eye. It's crazy.

3. Exercise is something I will always try to get out of.  Always.

It's true. As much as I am enjoying running. And as great as I feel after it, I will always try and find a reason not to go.  In fact, if I put as much energy into doing exercise as I do into avoiding it, suffice to say I'd be long deflated by now!

4. When I have a deadline I will sabotage it

I will. If I know that I have only a couple of weeks left to achieve my weight loss goal I will go to every length possible to sabotage it so that at last minute I am considering cabbage soup diets and Epsom salts (Epsom salts in the bath, not in the soup!) So how do I stop doing this? I don't actually know the answer to this.  I do know that short term goals seem to work better for me than long term ones so I am going with that and struggling to pull my hand off that damned self destruct button....

5. It's easier with support

It is a lot easier when you have support.  I am very lucky that himself and my family and friends are very supportive of me.  Living with someone who has a sweet tooth to rival your own combined with the sickening inability to ever put on weight can be difficult.  But, to his merit, he's stopped with the chocolate bars and biscuits in the evening and he's great at motivating me and getting me going when I have talked myself out of exercise and into chocolate.

The class I go to is also a great support.  It is lovely when people realise that someone is having a hard time and they all get in behind you and spur you on.  When you hear whats worked for people, and what doesn't work and how you can vent and laugh and, occasionally, have a cry, it makes it seem easier knowing that your not the only one struggling.

6. Compliments can be dangerous

I know. Who'd have thunk it? Well for me, they can be - but I still love getting them (its my ego, loves a good massage and will take it wherever she can  get it, compliment whore that she is). When I'm feeling good and people are telling me I'm looking good. Clothes are fitting me better and I'm contemplating Body-Con dresses, well, I take the foot off the pedal and start to think, sure look at me. Aren't I gorgeous and skinny (minds eye playing tricks).

7.  It's so much easier to put it on than get it off

Good lord but it is.  When I think of all the weeks I've huffed and puffed and nearly killed myself running and squatting and lunging about the place.  Only to have a couple (ehm) of glasses of wine and put on a pound. It's totes devastating! And its frustrating. But I've learned the weeks that happens just to get off the scales (and give it a kick) and then start a fresh. (but really, give it a kick and, if its a particularly bad result, stick your finger up at it while kicking it - and make sure your leader knows that the finger is aimed at the scales, not at her lovely self!)

8. Reward yourself, Go on! Your worth it!

I love presents. And spoiling myself. It's the ego. She's also a present whore. And when there's something I really want, instead of just getting it for me, I try and give myself the motivation to achieve it.  Doesn't always work mind, and in fairness, I am also quite partial to a bit of instant gratification so I could just cave and get it for myself anyway to 'cheer myself up'...

9. Chocolate is my Fr-enemy

It is. It really is.  While on one hand it cheers me up, it also fattens me up. I don't understand people that can just have one piece and leave the bar in the fridge. Why? Why do that? How? Every time I opened the fridge it would taunt me and then I'd just scoff it anyway. I read all the time that a square of chocolate a day is good for you.  But where can you buy a square? How are you supposed to just leave the bar there with one square gone and go back to it the next day and leave it again? Answers on a postcard to PO BOX, Square A Day, You Must Be Crazy I'll Eat It All....

and finally.. .lesson number 10

10. If you don't laugh at it, it'll never be fun

I really believe that if I didn't have a sense of humor about my weight, exercise and just in general I'd go crazy. Loosing this stone has been so difficult and such a long journey.  In fairness, it's been so long coming because of my own actions and the fact that I take two steps forward and six steps back, but I laugh about it a lot. I take the Mickey out of myself because I can and try to be realistic about it. Yes I do want to be deflated and have people shouting up the aisle at me "someone, for the love of god, give her a stew"! but I also want to have fun and go out and drink and eat chocolate and crisps and all that other stuff that is counter productive to weight loss but would make life so BORING!

 

The Weekly Verdict - Lost 14lb but got a Stone

Today is a very happy day. And it's been a loooooooooooooooooong time coming...


This little blue thing has made me the happiest lady in all of the land!

What, pray tell, is it? This is my stone to represent the 14lb that I have lost. And to think, I very nearly chickened out of going to WW tonight. And if I had, I wouldn't look like this...

When my lovely lovely leader Nicola told me that I was down 3lb, I was smiling. When she told me that meant I was getting my stone I did a jig, jumped up and down on the scales, let out a big scream and gave her a bear hug that could have cut off her air supply!

Last Monday I chickened out of going to my class because I hadn't had a very good week with my running and eating and tracking. I decided that if I went to my class and I was up it would discourage me so I would do my best this week and do well in my class tonight.  As it turned out, I didn't necessarily do as well as I could have. My lack of tracking really put me off. My over eating the wrong things put me off and I was just generally not feeling very confident in my efforts... Lets put it down to a lack of exercise hormones boosting my mood!

But last weeks exercise must have helped. And by last weeks exercise I am referring to the half marathon I did last Thursday evening.  I decided to run home from work.  And when I couldn't run any further I would walk the remainder. This is the walk I did:

That's right. Over 15k.  I ran for 9k and walked for 2k and then hobbled / wished I could crawl for the last 2k. I didn't quite make it all the way home.  I had to lie down on some grass about five minute walk from the house. I lay down. My legs seized. I couldn't go on. For two reasons:

1. Literally, my legs had seized and could not move any further. I thought I was going to go into a cramp
2. There's a really really big, fast and aggressive eh, Jack Russell, that lives on the road on the way to my house.  He chases you. He makes you run. He might bite you. I knew that if he chased me I couldn't run and he would eat me.

So I lay on the grass and waited for himself to come and get me. I was like a big red faced, fuzzy haired zombie rising from the earth and hobbling toward the car.  Himself was doubled over, roaring laughing at the state of me. I wanted to cry. He couldn't stop laughing at me.

While that walk clearly contributed to my wonderful weight loss, I shan't be doing it again in a hurry.  Think I may stick to building it up slowly rather than full on going for it and killing myself.

As a result of my half marathon I bruised my foot and have been hobbling around all weekend unable to really put much pressure on it so, in fact, it was counter-productive (that's my story and I am sticking to it!)... Back to the baby steps I have been taking and which have been serving me quite well!

In other news (equally as happy and exciting as my reaching a stone loss!); himself is a romantic little so and so I can tell you now! He instructed me to take a half day from work last Friday. I came home and I was instructed to get dolled up. He took me into town for a cheeky glass of wine of a Friday afternoon while the sun beamed down on us.  Then he took me for dinner on the MV Cill Airne on the quays and then, just when things couldn't get any more exciting he produced two tickets to see Nora Jones in the Grand Canal Theater (I know that's not the name but seriously, come on, how crap is the name The Bord Gais Energy Theater??). It was a lovely afternoon / evening!  

Here we are dining on the Liffey

All that was in aid of my birthday. There are only 13 days left of my twenties. It's actually happening. I am going to be 30. A real grown up. I'm handling it a lot better than I thought I would.  30 just seems so much older than I feel. But I'm OK with it because I'm going to be 30 and at the very least 1 stone lighter than I was on my 29th Birthday! Woop Woop..

Hmmm... what shall I reward myself with? I saw a beautiful french connection dress that I may just purchase for myself as a well done for loosing a stone / happy birthday to me / well done you did 15k in one go gift. (Completing 15k will be something I will not let go of. I will ALWAYS bring it up. Unless I do 16k, in which case it will replace what shall forever more be known as "The Great 15k Trot")

Whats the plan for the next stone?

There's 12 weeks until the 3 December. So I am signing myself up to loosing 1.5lb a week between now and then.  I have set up a running training programme on my iPhone and will get stuck into it and by the 3 December see what the outcome is!

Here's to this week being an equally big success!
 

The Weekly Verdict

I think it's safe to say the above image summarises the result this week... TSC (The Soul Crusher)lived up to its name. It crushed my soul... despite running 21.77k in total this week I was up 1lb.  Now, in the grand scheme of things, this is not a big gain. I didn't get to my classes two weeks running, and I did do a lot of celebrating of finding my other "one" (the dress)...

I just knew that it wasn't going to go well this week despite my activity.

I jest when I say my soul was crushed today. Because it wasn't! I left the class in great form - must be all the additional exercise induced endorphins zipping around my body! Instead of spiraling, feeling like pants and going to the shop to buy a months supply  for the Bad Result Monday Nest (the months supply would be consumed tonight by the way!), I feel very positive.  I haven't necessarily achieved the weight loss that I say I wanted to. But I have achieved loss of inches and I feel really good about myself. My fitness is up, I can actually run for over 52 minutes straight, I never in a gazillion years imagined that that is something I could do or would even want to do. But I really enjoy it.

So this weeks verdict? A gain in weight, but it's not a bad thing.  As I sat listening to all the other girls stories and telling a few of my own, and hearing the others be supportive of one another I felt really positive about how far I've come and how far I have left to go in this deflation!

Two ladies in particular stood out to me.  One a lovely lady, her loveliness is fairly obvious just from her name (it's Rachel by the way), helped me out a couple of weeks back when I was feeling extremely bad about myself and dress shopping etc.  "Other Rachel" told me that the whole class were behind me and made me feel so much better and gave me a good kick in the bum to get back on track.  The other lady, I think her name might be Ger (only met her tonight), came to me after the class and congratulated me on getting my wedding dress, gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek and told me that I was going to be a beautiful bride.  Now if that doesn't lift your spirits your clearly dead inside and need to go and get that looked at! Complete strangers, brought together to try achieve a similar but very different goal.

I also left feeling great because, whether she knows it or not, our Leader Nicola is pretty darn good at giving her members a boost and encouraging them to achieve what they want. She knows exactly how to give you the lift to make next week your lighter week!

POA this week? Totes avoiding the vino. Have accepted that I cannot celebrate the wedding dress any longer for fear of not fitting into it!!! Aim to achieve 30k running in total by next Monday. Stick to my points. Bite it? Write it!!! Keep hydrated. Buy new tights...

Birthday month is fast approaching and with it, the end of my twenties!  I will go into my thirties and never weigh this amount ever again!

Finally, to all those reading this considering going to a meeting. Do it. Bite the bullet and take that first step. You really don't know how good it can make you feel to achieve your little goals and you never know what kind of people you are going to meet and how their words can help change your life or your words could help change theirs.

Now, enough of the sappiness! Tiredness has made me totes emotes so off to bed with me.

Only 17 Days to go

I am so excited! In 17 days I will be trotting up the aisle for one of my bestest friends in all the land and I cannot bloody wait.  Got my bridesmaid dress yesterday and I love it. Would really like to just wear it forever and ever. Hair trial is booked. Tan trial is occurring on Friday evening. My eyebrows currently look like two caterpillars walking across my face in order to meet one another because I am 'growing them out' for a threading. That should be fun (assuming I don't loose the nerve and pluck the be-jaysus outta these bad boys before then).

I am walking and running and even trotting up and down the stairs on a regular basis in order to look tanned, lean and toned for her big day. I will definitely look tanned, spanx will sort out the lean look - I guess two out of three isn't bad?!!

So two days back into the WW way of things. I have my googlie eyes stuck to my WW card giving me evils every time I try to eat something I shouldn't. But the good thing about the card is I can whack it in my wallet and just ignore it and carry on enjoying whatever I am eating that I shouldn't be... Ah no. In fairness I have been very good. Tracking like goodie-o and I even turned down a bar of Galaxy Bubbles that Himself bought me last night for a cuppa. I was going to eat it, but decided to leave it be. Incredibly proud of that! But then it is only day 2 of being back on the wagon...

So here's to saying No to sweeties and such for the next 17 days.... go team go!

I'm not being very good this week

It's official people. When my time comes I will be going to hell. I broke lent. I had done so well but then it all went terribly wrong and I had chocolate AND crisps. I have officially woken the Chocy-crisp beast that lives within me and now it's all I crave! Damn it!

It's been a bit of a mental and all over the place week. I think I may still be in recovery from the wedding celebrations at the weekend and also the sad passing of a really wonderful gent.

I have not been tracking the last couple of days and when I sat down this morning to fill in the tracker using hind sight, well, lets just say it didn't tell a happy story! My goodness did I do some eating!  That damn Chocy-crisp beast is going to be the death of me!

I haven't been out exercising at all this week. I really feel it, I'm not as cheerful or focused. Yesterday was the first bit of exercise that I have done since last Thursday. And to me it felt like a marathon! I was looking after my wonderful little nephew-in-law. He's 2. He's gorgeous (but I am incredibly biased) and he is, without a doubt, the funniest little person on the planet. You couldn't possibly be in bad form with him.  He can say loads of things like 'Oh Jesus' and 'Up-a-dasiy'. He also puts his hand up to his face and says 'Listen' so he can hear something. He's a tonic. Really lifts your spirits. How his mother and father have the energy for him I will never know. He literally does not stop moving while he's awake. He's always running and dancing and talking. So as he ran and danced and talked I was trotting after him. I honestly feel like it was a workout and a half. I had to have a little nap when I was off duty!

So this weekend is approaching and I am looking forward to it. Nothing to do but sit and relax and watch all the programmes I have missed out on, do a bit of running, maybe a bit of golfing and not have a drop of alcohol or enter into a pub or night club. I cannot wait!

All I have to do is figure out a way to silence that Chocy-crisp beast and I'll be laughing!

My feelings the day after 'Soul Crusher' day

I woke up this morning with a bit more of a positive head on me. All I can say is thank God for Lent because if it wasn't for Lent I would have went on the most unholy of binges you have ever seen. I was so tempted to buy one of every type of crisp, chocolate and fizzy jelly and sit on my bed and just keep going till I exploded. But, as I said, I have my Lenten Sacrifice to be thinking of, so no major damage done. And in hind sight, Himself would have been quite annoyed at the mess my exploded guts would have made.

Another reason for the positive little head on me is because after the disaster that was my weigh in, I had to go shopping for food for the week and I met a friend that I haven't seen in a number of weeks and she was more than complimentary about the weight I've lost. So that sort of helped. A lot. I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but I am an ego-maniac. Compliments and flattery will literally get you everywhere with me. I can absolutely be won over by comments like 'you look amaaaaaaaaazing today' or 'wow, those jeans are to die for on you' and 'you've such lovely hair'. Another one that works is 'your nails have gotten so long and strong'. I have a fickle heart really.

Today is a new day. I've decided to approach this week and my food the way I do everything. With unyielding control and obsessive organisation.

I've filled out my tracker for the week. I have literally put everything I am allowed to eat on that tracker and by jaysus nothing else will go in my mouth. It's all planned and there in black and white to see. No more than 26 ProPoints a day. If that soul crusher doesn't bend to my will next Monday, there will be hell to pay!

You know the saying, hell hath no fury like a weight watcher scorned!!!

Happy New Year

2011 ended perfectly!! It was spent with himself and our wonderful nephew (well, really he's himself's nephew I've just claimed him as mine cause he's brilliant!). We had loads of fun babysitting and playing with him. Waking up in 2012 to the words 'Choo Choo' was possibly one of the best starts!

So what does the new year bring? For me its the end of the holiday feasting, or at least it will be from tomorrow. It's back into running and even taking up Kettle Bells!

What's a kettle bell? Have a look below!

Image Courtesy of kettlebellexerciseshq.com



Kind of looks like Mickey Mouse (clearly that's from spending too long watching the Junior Channel with my lovely nephew)! Apparently this thing is going to tone me and help me loose weight. Isn't it exciting!! Now, considering I struggle with my little 1kg weights, I think that this is going to be a hilarious class for me. One that requires strength, coordination and balance... things I possess in abundance you might say. Actually, no, you wouldn't say that at all, but sure feck it we'll give it a bash and see how it goes!!!

New years resolutions? I don't want to say that I've made any, because to be fair, I always break them within a couple of days. But I do plan on continuing with the changes I have made.

1. Continue with WW and reach my goal weight by 31 December 2012
2. Continue with running and fitness
3. Complete the women's mini marathon in June 2012
4. Continue being a non-smoker!

It's not a lot, and I have been doing all of this since October (well, the training for the mini marathon is to begin). Need to trick myself into believing that these are not new years resolutions, as you know from reading my blog I am mildly rebellious and like to self sabotage.

I have big plans and goals and desires for 2012 and they ALL revolve around getting fit and healthy so I can stand on my best friends altar with pride and a skinny ass!!

Here's to 2012 being the year that I achieve my goals, don't self sabotage and have the time of my life planning the biggest day of our lives!

Happy 2012 to you all

xxx

The Power of a Positive Mental Attitude

Last nights class got me thinking about the power of a PMA. The lovely leader was talking about how empty the class was and asked if any of us thought about not coming tonight and waiting until next week because of the bank holiday weekend.

I was too shy to say 'hell yeah!'... I was also afraid that verbal  squirts would take over and I'd be all of a sudden telling her how I was arguing with myself in the car the whole way up to the class like a child with an invisible friend. And the only reason I actually made it to the class was I needed petrol and there's a petrol station beside the class...

Nevertheless, she was saying how a person should be proud of themselves for coming to class, even if the week did not go to plan. That taking that step last night was the start of changing my NMA (Negative Mental Attitude) to a PMA.

That got me thinking about how negative thoughts really can destroy your best intentions (again, happy enough to blame anything or anyone as long as the blame doesn't directly lie at my door!!). I began thinking about all the times I reached for the bar of chocolate and told myself, sure you've no will power at all! And that made me grab another bar of chocolate.

Now, I realise that some might say that yes, indeed,  you have no will power if your scoffing two bars of chocolate in one sitting. My reply to them is stop sending me NMA and it was two fun size bars, not real size bars, sure one of them would only be teasing yourself!

So I want to address my PMA and think of three positive things.

1. Even though I need to loose weight, the extra layer is keeping me warm in this wintry weather.

2. I am not overweight, I am under tall.

3. I have big bones.

Ah I realise that I am poking fun at myself, but in all seriousness, I have realised that an unchartered step from the journey is only a mistake. Its not the end of the world and it should not encourage me to give up!

So people. Lets get thinking positive thoughts and stop the negativity in its tracks! In the wise old words of Mr President Obama "Is Feidir Linn!"

xx